This past weekend has been very emotional. I don’t think I have read this many rape stories in such a short space of time. As a woman my heart couldn’t take it and I actually had try to log off Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I can’t even imagine how the women who have been through such cruelty will feel. These stories were triggered by Busola Dakolo’s heart wrenching interview sharing her rape story.
When I first watched it, I was filled with rage and anger for many reasons. I have been abused as a child and also Busola has a special place in my heart. In my emotions, I wrote a post on Instagram and even wished the wrath of God upon the Pastor involved but I didn’t have peace. I didn’t have peace for two main reasons one is my Instagram platform is not my platform but the Lords platform and I must always be led by the Spirit of God when posting. I can’t afford to post out of emotions. I must always first of all take time out to pray and seek the Fathers heart concerning an issue and not my own personal opinion.
The second reason may make some people reading this uncomfortable but I know that God has called me to both the abused and abusers. He wants to redeem everyone. He made it clear that there are people who genuinely struggle with these sins because of some of the things that were done to them as children. It is the hurt that hurt or rather hurting people hurt people and these people also need healing and redemption. He wants to redeem the oppressed and even the oppressors. For example, in the story of Paul and Silas, in prison when they praised God they were set free but more importantly the prison guard too was delivered and redeemed. This is the same revelation the Lord gave me about R.Kelly during the whole R. Kelly drama. Please read my blog post on this issue https://thefathersdaughterweb.wordpress.com/2019/02/27/gods-perspective-on-surviving-r-kelly/ . You can also read this article by a guest contributor https://thefathersdaughterweb.wordpress.com/2019/05/30/the-soul-of-a-baby/ . Please note that there is a difference between redemption and justice. This is not saying that people who have committed a crime according to the law should not be prosecuted. Even after prosecution, they can still be healed and redeemed. Ideally our justice systems should be designed to ensure those who are prosecuted are also rehabilitated.
Now with this particular case I kind of struggled because from time even before the sex/rape allegations I had always felt a certain negative way about the accused and the organization. There were things that just didn’t sit right with me and I remember even unfollowing their social media account a while. This is one of the reasons why it was so easy for me to judge and wish the wrath of God upon the accused. I guess this is actually why it is important that I don’t write out of my emotions or preconceived feelings but from the heart of God so that I am unbiased. Therefore, I decided to delete my post and seek God before writing on the matter. It is also so important to remember that we cannot hear the voice of God when there is so much noise.
As soon as I deleted my initial post, I felt peace and I heard the Father say ‘I am proud of you’. Immediately He began speaking to me about this issue. The Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance a book I had read years ago titled “Driven by Eternity” by John Bevere.
In the book there is an allegory/story with this similar scenario of Busola and the accused Pastor. The only difference is that the lady wasn’t raped but manipulated into having a relationship with the Pastor similar to the allegations of another lady who brought similar allegations against this same accused Pastor a few years ago.
In the story there was a preacher called “Double Life” a man knowledgeable in the word of God with a lot of charm but who took advantage of the very people he was supposed to care for and protect. He had sexual relations with them. The story high-lightted a young woman who was on fire for the Lord who was taken advantage of by this same preacher.
The sad thing is that on judgement day they both went to the lake of fire.
The preacher went to hell fire because He had CHOSEN to live a double life. He knew Christ and knew the Word. He was a man of great authority and the Bible says concerning those, that they are held to a higher standard
“My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. 2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a [a]perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.” James 3 :1-3
“For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, 5 and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, 6 [c]if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame.
7 For the earth which drinks in the rain that often comes upon it, and bears herbs useful for those by whom it is cultivated, receives blessing from God; 8 but if it bears thorns and briers, it is rejected and near to being cursed, whose end is to be burned.” – Hebrews 6: 4- 8
“20 For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning. 21 For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. 22 But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: “A dog returns to his own vomit,” and, “a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire.” –2nd Peter 2:20-22
This preacher in the book didn’t just go to the lake of fire but he was sentenced to the worst part of hell fire. The writer of the book says that the worst place of hell fire is reserved for those who live a double life.
“They are spots and blemishes, [e]carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you, 14 having eyes full of [f]adultery and that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls. They have a heart trained in covetous practices, and are accursed children. 15 They have forsaken the right way and gone astray, following the way of Balaam the son of Beor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness; 16 but he was rebuked for his iniquity: a dumb donkey speaking with a man’s voice restrained the madness of the prophet.
17 These are wells without water, [g]clouds carried by a tempest, for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness [h]forever – 2nd Peter 2 : 13 – 17
“ These are [g]spots in your love feasts, while they feast with you without fear, serving only themselves. They are clouds without water, carried [h]about by the winds; late autumn trees without fruit, twice dead, pulled up by the roots; 13 raging waves of the sea, foaming up their own shame; wandering stars for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever.” – Jude 12 – 13
From what I read I believe the Lord is saying that whether or not people who choose to live a double life ( i.e.those who sin continuously & consciously without repenting) get justice on earth or not the worst part of hell is reserved for them so they will surely get what is due to them, however His heart right now, in the midst of all that is going on, is yearning for His daughters who have been abused, hurt and taken advantage of. He is so concerned about their heart condition. This is where He is at work in this time.
His heart is so heavy for His daughters who have gone through so much pain, physically, emotionally and mentally. He yearns to heal, redeem and restore them. He wants to comfort them and love on them. Many of them are going through so much pain even after years after the incident.
Why did the lady also go to hell in the book?
The sad thing is that the lady in the story also went to the lake fire. Why you may be asking? Well, she didn’t go because of the sexual relations but because she had unforgiveness in her heart which turned to bitterness which leads to heart hardness which is one of the worst sins. Heart hardness is a terrible sin because it is an inward sin unlike other sins which are outward sins. Often times the person whose heart is hardened may not know they are actually in sin since it is not an outward sin. She also blamed the Lord for what she went through with the Pastor and this strained her relationship with the Lord.
Healing
The first step to healing is forgiveness. Forgiveness moves you from being a victim to a survivor.
Unforgiveness
One of the hardest things for someone who has been raped or abused is to forgive because rape/abuse is such a cruel act. The thing though is that it is so important to forgive. This is what the Lord requires of us. A very good parable on forgiveness is the servant who owed a King a great debt in Matthew Chapter 18 in the Bible. The King forgave him but he refused to forgive someone who owed him a lesser debt. In the end this is what the Bible said “And His master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” – Matthews 18:34-35
I can’t remember where I heard this but it is so profound: “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and wishing the other person dies”. Unforgiveness makes you a prisoner. The perpetrator is free and has moved on but the person is left with the hurt and pain caused by the perpetrator. I watched a video recently about a man who was hurt by someone and he stepped on her slippers and didn’t let her go. At the end of the day both him and the person who hurt him were stuck in the same position.
You are not doing the perpetrator a favour by forgiving the. You are doing yourself a good deed by forgiving.
Unforgiveness also causes so many things. There are studies that show that unforgiveness is linked with diseases such as cancer. There was a study I heard of were almost everyone who suffered from cancer had someone they were holding in unforgiveness. There have also been many healing sessions where people could not receive healing unless they had forgiven or released someone who had offended them.
I know someone who was raped by 5 different people. For so many years she didn’t talk about it to anyone and she held unforgiveness not just to her perpetrators but also the people who were supposed to have protected her such as her guardians, parents etc. She also wondered why God would allow her to go through what she went through. In the book Driven by Eternity, John Bevere says “This most always in turn leads to anger and offense toward God. Now their faith becomes defied, and their end will be fatal if there is no repentance and forgiveness.”
For so many years she lived with so much internal pain and she suffered a life- threatening illness repeatedly. The day she was finally set free was the day she spoke about it and intentionally decided to forgive all those who had hurt her.
By forgiving she moved from being a victim to a survivor.
The Bible clearly talks about forgiveness. It says “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in Heaven , may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses” ( Mark 11:25 -26)
You may be saying but what this person did to me is terrible, it’s the worst sin ever.
I quote from the book Driven by Eternity
“No matter how badly you’ve been treated by another, it does not compare with our transgressions against God. You may feel no one has it bad as you have. You don’t realize how badly Jesus was treated. He was innocent, a blameless lamb that was slain…….
“A person who cannot forgive has forgotten how great a debt they were forgiven! When you realize the great death and eternal torment Jesus delivered you from, you will freely release others. There is nothing worse than eternity in a lake of fire. There is no relief, the worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched. That was our destination until God forgave us through the death of His Son Jesus Christ. If a person cannot forgive, he is unaware of the reality of hell and has not comprehended the love of God……”
Forgiveness is the first step you take to being healed from such atrocities such as rape, abuse etc.
Bitterness
“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: 15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;” – Hebrews 12:14-15
Unforgiveness leads and opens the door to other things such as bitterness. I remember a dream one of my friends who is a Pastor had…. She went to Heaven and was on a line with people who were being judged. One of the things highlighted to her during the judgement was heart hardness. In her dream people went to hell because of this inward sin. When she woke up, she knew it was a warning to her to forgive certain people who had hurt her badly.
“And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. 11 Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. 12 And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But he who endures to the end shall be saved” Matthew 24:10-13
The whole point of this is to just say that God wants his daughters to heal and the first step to healing is to forgive. He doesn’t want what has been done to you to cause you to be offended and to cause bitterness which leads to other things even physical and mental illnesses.
Also, when you don’t forgive you build a wall to protect yourself from being hurt but what happens is that, that wall will also keep Him, The Father, from reaching out to you. He wants to comfort you. He wants to heal you. He wants to restore you and make you whole again but that can’t happen if your heart is hard towards him. Due to this, like the lady in the allegory, many have fallen away from the faith. Sadly, based on my preliminary research the first lady who accused this same perpetrator who abused Busola is no longer walking in the faith. For me this is the most heart wrenching thing. I can’t even imagine how the Father must feel. I pray for her to be reconciled with the Father.
How to forgive
Forgiveness is hard but thank God we have a helper the Holy Spirit.
“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.” – John 14:26
Ask God to help you forgive. It may take time but He will help you.
“Bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” –John 6:28
One way to forgive is to also pray for those who have hurt you. This is hard but thank God we have the Holy Spirit our helper.
How to receive your healing
Healing is His work not yours but it starts with forgiveness.
As you begin to forgive the walls will come down and He will be able to reach into your heart to heal you in every way, even physically, psychologically. Your Father Daughter relationship will then be restored. He misses you and wants to comfort you and spend time with you.
It is important for me to say that “God didn’t allow this to happen to you to teach you a lesson”. God didn’t want this to happen to you.” Infact it hurt Him to see you hurt so badly by those that are supposed to love and care for you. The thing is that we live in a fallen world and many human beings have chosen to hurt and take advantage of others. The good news is that He will bring beauty out of these ashes. He will turn your sorrow into joy and He can turn your pain into purpose.
In the journey of healing you can also get therapy. It is important that it is a licensed and certified therapist that sees you. Please contact the Olusola Lanre Coaching Academy for a list of certified therapists. https://www.olcang.com/ info@olcang.com +234 807 707 7000
There is also spiritual healing for the soul that I have personally benefited from called SOZO. It is an amazing spiritual healing exercise where the Holy Spirit brings to your remembrance so many things that may be hindering your relationship with the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. In the session you also receive healing and you are able to know how the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit feel about you. Everyone I know who has attended these Sozo sessions have so many amazing things to say about it. Please reach out to the Bethel Sozo Network www.bethelsozonetworknigeria.org 08167476969. Please note that there is currently waiting list for sozo sessions. There is also a conference coming up in August where there would be healing sessions. Please ask the bethel sozo network for more information
In conclusion I reiterate that this message is in no way advocating that the victims should not receive justice for a crime against them. Infact whether or not the justice system fails to give justice, there is an eternal judgement that cannot be avoided for those who choose to continue to leave in sin. The focus of this message is not about the perpetrators but about healing for those who have been oppressed.
I pray for healing for everyone who has been hurt or abused including Busola. I pray for wholeness. I pray for redemption for those who have sinned and are struggling and have fallen short. I pray for justice both here and in eternity for those who have chosen to live a double life.
If by any chance your relationship with the Father has suffered or been strained since you have been raped of abused, I created a devotional style study guide that would help you restore your relationship with the Father. It is titled The Father’s Daughter: A 21 Day Study Guide: Guide to a Relationship with The Father . You can get this for free on my blog www.thefathersdaughterweb.wordpress.com .Look for blog posts from the 1st of March, 2018. All 21 days are on the blog. You can get the full compilation in amazon or Kindle for $5 or on okadabooks for N500.
Finally I asked the Father for a song for His daughters. He is singing this song over you
Reckless Love by Cory Asbury
Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me
You have been so, so kind to me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, and I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
And oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
And I couldn’t earn it, and I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
And I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
You can listen over hear
The Father's Daughter 
Thank you for sharing I’ve been feeling this way from the onset but can’t really speak because people live to bash one another on social media. It’s really important to see God’s perspective being shared because in my story my abuser was 8 years old and I was almost 7 and we were both girls, I’ve forgiven but it turned me into an abuser at 11 and to a 5 year old boy who was my cousin, one day It was like my eyes opened that this was wrong and I stopped but the guilt was there and abuse after abuse happened from older people including bus drivers on the school bus and I guess growing up with that guilt, sex was just a tool, I could have sex with man or woman and was free sexually or so I thought little did I know that was bondage. I realized we were all just children or possibly still are and need healing and all have demons to sort out and just seeing people bash on social media just let’s me see they will follow the loudest voices and still being just humans and still persecuting one another when they all have their own hidden demons. I’m glad this is coming out in Nigeria but will be good to hear about the child on child abuse. Anyway glad all these are gone and God has helped me and still helping me as we go along the way. It’s important for people to start learning to hear God before they speak judgment unto others without understanding that God wants both souls. It is well with you and God bless you.
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Thank you for sharing your experience. You were a child and so you didn’t know what you were doing. It has happened to so many people. Read my article on Surviving R.kelly and my previous article on The God of the promise of the rainbow on the blog. As a child I was molested by a househelp and also a friend who was a child as well used to kiss me and rub herself on me. As a child I ended up doing the same to other children while playing mummy and daddy. Sad. We were all children. I don’t believe this should be called abuse since children don’t know what they are doing and aren’t doing it intentionally but then again regardless of the age the act is abuse. So I understand what you mean by child on child. I pray for complete healing for you and everyone who has been hurt.
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I read this and I can feel the father really talking you and to me. May God bless you for yielding to the father’s voice.
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Wow.. Words so deep. God’s love over all.
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You know what?
You are right on the money!
I had a series of abuse while growing up. The abuse, as I remember, started when I was about age 7 and snowballed into lust for sexual movies & novels, masturbation ,& illicit sex. I had a chain of abusers & also became an abuser myself!
Although I was from a Christian home & earnestly longed to give my life to Christ, I couldn’t because I was chained by these habits.
Nevertheless, God kept on chasing hard after me until I gave my life to Christ just before entering the university. I tactfully avoided any romantic relationship with the opposite sex. The Holy Spirit was my lover! I was not so successful with overcoming masturbation & movies with sex scenes at first despite my spirited attempts until I went for a spiritual conselling session which ended up becoming a deliverance session.
The deliverance yook quite a while with voices speaking through me. After that session of deliverance, I received the ability to walk in freedom from sexual lusts & masturbation. It wasn’t easy though & it took a few months to completely overcome masturbation…
…so you can imagine my shock when a priest I had respected so much & was praying to God over, asking God if he would be my spiritual father almost raped me in his office! Leaving his office relatively untouched was nothing short of a miracle.
Well, despite the initial anger, the Holy Spirit led & helped me to forgive him. As soon as I told him via text that I had forgiven him, the emotional blackmail started. Now, this was even more devastating than the attempted abuse. After a couple of months, my abuser just stopped keeping tabs on me. I insisted on forgiving him as well as all who had abused me in the past – especially because I had become an abuser myself in the process.
My obedience to God to forgive all truly set me free!!! The devil used to whisper in my ear as a single lady that I would never be happily married & would never have children of my own because of my past! Well, he couldn’t have told me worse lies!
I’m happily married today with 2 kids, with a husband who loves me most dearly (I told him my past during the early stages of our courtship & he has loved me like I was the only virgin on planet earth!
If you are an abuser or have been abused over & over again, do yourself a favour, will you?
FORGIVE & LET GO!
Let God heal your deep wounds.
He is aching to do so!
Grace.
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Wow thank you for sharing. I bless God for you
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Thank you for this beautiful message. It is natural for us to feel angry at all the events being revealed but we must move from anger and allow God to do His work. The Father is heart is speaking healing and redemption for His children! I pray for grace to forgive and heal for all victims of abuse in Jesus name. I pray that there will be justice so that this evil will be reduced to the minimum especially in the church of Christ.
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Reblogged this on A Thousand Shades of Awesomeness and commented:
I had to share this . Very Apt and straight from the Father’s heart.
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Very deep and straight from the Father’s heart I must say. Thank you for sharing.
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Omi, This whole thing was particularly very difficult for me. Reason being that I was/am (don’t know which to use..lol) a member the church which he pastors and i am also a rape survivor, My stomach churned in anger as i watched the video. I was caught between not believing the story/not wanting to think that the person who could do something so heinous is the same person whom you sit and listen to as a vessel of God. I was torn and being a survivor myself i knew that story couldn’t be made up. I had heard the rumours before but I would always say i can’t use rumours to judge someones character but now here was proof staring at me in the face. I was angry as to how this person had the boldness to even stand on the altar. My heart felt what Busola felt as I relived my experience all over again even though it wasn’t a pastor it was someone I trusted in and in my own space. I laud her for the courage. Now I feel stuck, I want to forgive this pastor and forget his past and believe that after justice and redemption i can look at him the way through the eyes of God…that is what God will want right..no judgement…..But right now I don’t know where to go to worship. Feel like I have lost trust for preachers because nobody knows the double lives they are living and coming to form pristine for everybody……..I will appreciate any advice……Im sorry for the long story.
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Thank you so much for this comment. I cant even imagine how you must be feeling. I am so sorry you had to go through rape. I pray that the Lord heals you, makes you whole and completely restores you in Jesus Name Amen.
Re your Pastor He needs your prayers and everyone’s prayers especially if the allegations are true and He is not owning up to his shortcomings, repenting and asking for forgiveness for the judgement of the Lord is worse than any earthly judgement.
For you I would say it is normal to be angry especially after what you have been through however don’t let the anger linger on because it can cause so many others things as mentioned in the blog post. Ensure you forgive the person who hurt you and also your Pastor.
Also please don’t let this incident make you believe that all Pastors are the same. I can testify that I have known some of Gods true sons who are a true reflection of Jesus on earth however we must also remember that no one is perfect. This is why the most important thing is for us to develop and build our own one-on-one relationship with the Father for He is the only perfect one. It is for this reason He led me to create the 21 days devotional style study guide through the Fathers Daughter challenge which helps his daughters develop an intimate relationship with Him where you can hear from Him directly. If you would like to develop this intimate relationship then please go to my blog posts from March 1st 2018. All 21 days are there.
I trust that as you begin to hear from God as you go through the Fathers Daughter devotional style study guide, He will begin to speak to you about what to do and which Church to go and worship.
Please let me know how this goes. You can reach me on omilola@omilola.com
I look forward to hearing from you.
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I am always blessed by you and I know that forgiveness for all deeds is huge. I tried to get my mum to read Joyce Meyers book “Do yourself a favour, forgive!” because I am sure God wants us to forgive just the way he forgave us all. Thank you for this.
Additionally, I envy your relationship with God and hope that one day soonest, I will get there.
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