I rarely watch TV and when I do I rarely watch the BBC News and I haven’t watched Tv in a long time but yesterday evening as I sat down to watch TV, I felt led to check the BBC News channel and I sat down to watch a documentary titled “My (very) extended family”.
I sat and watched in awe as I have been living in a bubble of a perfect world or rather a perfect family world but the reality of our world today is soooooo different.
The program was about a young woman, Julia who had two mums . She was conceived biologically through a sperm donor. In high school she received an email from a woman who claimed her daughter was half sisters with Julia. What Julia didn’t realize is that in actual fact that she had over 20 siblings or should we say “diblings ” as they are called from this same donor and they are all in the same age range.
The documentary shows the process of discovery and meeting some of her “diblings”. Most of them are around the same age and she got to meet majority of them. It’s amazing how much they look alike. Gosh the donors genes are so strong. She also met the donor who is her biological dad. His name is Darren and he lives in California and has four children from his wife.
According to Darren the reason he donated sperm was because of the money he was being paid which came in handy as a 19 year old who didn’t have a job.
According to the BBC “Lack of regulation in the US donor sperm industry is leading to the creation of enormous genetic family groups. Thanks to the proliferation of mail-away DNA tests and the emergence of online donor registries, people conceived with donor sperm are increasingly connecting with their genetic relatives, forming complex communities.”
I read this excerpt from the BBC “Now Julia tells us her own story as she prepares to meet some of her siblings for the very first time. As she investigates her remarkable family history and these new relationships, she explores the meaning of FAMILY and IDENTITY in an age of scientifically assisted reproduction.”
What stood out for me were two key words “FAMILY and IDENTITY”.
When I watched the program what I sensed is that Julia and her “diblings” were searching for a sense of identity and longed to feel part of the “standard” family unit related by blood even though they already had “families” they were a part of.
When I watched I felt sad for these children/ young adults . Despite the fact that some of them came from parents who treated them right and happy homes like Julia, the common denominator is that they were all searching for their identity and sense of family. They wanted to know who their father was. They also admitted that the process of their conception wasn’t natural and it was obvious this affected them.
One of the diblings in particular caught my attention. Both her biological parents are donors and so she said she grew up feeling very alone and not wanting to exist. She said she had wished her mum didn’t have her and felt it was selfish of her to do so. Clearly she had gone through depression. When she met one of her siblings for the first time she said when she hugged him, she felt that this is someone she should have been hugging all her life.
Another dibling was born into a family of a single mum. At a certain age her mum decided she wanted to have children and went to the sperm bank and then did the artificial insemination at home herself and then kept the specimen in the freezer for 5 months before deciding to go to the hospital. The dibling said she wished that she had two parents.
When Julia met her dad, it was such a civil meeting. It turned out well in terms of meeting him but he wasn’t ready to commit to a father-daughter relationship. He said he was willing to be available to answer questions of genetics, history etc if they needed but he didn’t commit to an intimate relationship. You could see that what she longed for was a real relationship.
The great thing at the end of the documentary is that the diblings all seemed to want to foster a relationship with themselves and they seemed to begin forming a tight bond amongst themselves. There were several pictures of them hanging and doing fun things together.
As I watched I felt a heavy burden. This burden deepened further because later in the evening I stumbled on an article about a law maker taking his child to work and then I realized the baby was from a gay couple and born through a surrogate mother who most likely would be a donor and it reminded me of Julia and her siblings and what this baby would eventually have to deal with and go through growing up . Julia parents were also lesbian.
It hit me that this is the reality of the world we live in today.
I then realized that there would be and are already so many children and young adults in actual fact a whole generation of people like Julia who are searching for a sense of identity. They would be born into families and circumstances that they didn’t ask for and would have to learn to adjust. Not many would be lucky to know their biological father and donor/blood siblings like Julia because at least her donor father offered to be available for identity reasons in the documentation he filled because he sensed that if it were him he would want to know where he comes from. Many may not have that option as their donors may choose to be anonymous.
Whilst the world is “celebrating” a break through in people who choose to have alternate lifestyles like same sex relationships being able to have children through donors, or women or men who aren’t in a relationship but choose to have children, what the world fails to realize is that there would be a new generation of children who would grow up feeling lost in a world they don’t understand. No matter how much their parents try to make them feel normal and love deep down they know the family composition and their conception is not as alluded to by one of the siblings in the documentary. Their parents chose the lifestyles they live and may be happy but the children haven’t been given the choice in which family to come from and how to be conceived.
Hence there are and would be a lot of people feeling lost in a world they don’t understand leading to so many things such as depression etc.
I could feel the Father’s burden for His children who fall into this category. If perhaps you are reading this and you were also conceived from a donor , please be rest assured that you do have a Father in Heaven that cares so much about you. You have an identity in Him. You are not alone. You come from a perfect family of which includes the Father, Jesus his Son and the Holy Spirit. This is the perfect family.
I recently took part on a healing course called SOZO. I learnt something profound that is so true .
The first institution God created was the family. A family has three parts, Father, mother and siblings/friends.
At the same time each of us has three components to our being : body, soul and spirit. Each of these has specific needs.
- The body has the need for identity/value, protection and provision. These needs should be met by the earthly Father who is responsible for the needs of the body. He imparts identity/value for his children.
- The soul needs communication and companionship. These needs should be met by siblings/friends. It is siblings or friends we talk to and to whom we tell our deepest secrets.
- The spirit needs comfort and teaching . These needs should be met by the Mother. She is the one we ran to when we scraped our knees or had hurt feelings. She is the one who attempts to explain the seemingly never ending “why” questions.
According to Sozo, Father God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit represent three aspects of the God head. Each member of the God head is connected to the needs of the three components of our being: body, soul and spirit. As each member of the family has a place to meet the needs of our being, so each member of the God head wishes to meet the needs of our being.
According to Sozo when a dad is not around physically or emotionally to let his children know who they are, children become confused. Confused about not only who they are, but also their value and their destiny. This is evident is the case of Julia and her “siblings”.
When the dad is not there, the children do not feel protected. Thus they can transfer this feeling of being unprotected to Father God as well because they have no concept of true security.
If you are a dibling and are reading this the good news in all of this is that you have a Father in Father God, a sibling and best friend in Jesus and a mother in the Holy Spirit.
Jesus understands how you feel as He was born of His mother Mary while JOSEPH wasn’t his biological father. His true father was God, the Father. This was His identity and He knew this from an early age. The Father yearns to love on you and have a Father Daughter /Son relationship with you. He wants to provide for you, love on you and give you His name. You are of royal bloodline. The blood of Jesus , the blood of all bloods.
The Father led me to create a 21 day devotional style study guide that would help you form an intimate Father -daughter / Father -Son relationship with Him. You can get a copy on amazon, kindle or http://www.okadabooks.com . Alternatively you can also search form posts on my blog from March 1st 2018. All the 21 days are there for free. The blog address is http://www.thefathersdaughterweb.wordpress.com
I’d like to also suggest you listen to & meditate on these songs .
Daddy’s home by Travis Greene featuring Hailey Kitely
Good & Loved by Travis Greene featuring Steffany Gretzinger
Run to the Father by Cody Carnes
Now we’re no longer living like slaves under the law, but we enjoy being God’s very own sons and daughters! And because we’re His, we can access everything our Father has—for we are heirs of God through Jesus, the Messiah!”(Gal. 4:7TPT)