A love letter to the unloved – those struggling with paedophilia, homosexuality, lesbianism and other sexual struggles.
God spoke to me about you on the 16th of November 2017, the day before my New York book launch. During my quiet time i.e. alone time with the Lord, I asked God where He was at work and where He wanted me to join Him at work. He began to speak to me about you, His sons and daughters that have been ostracised by so many including the church. He shared his burden with me and I cried soooooo much. I could feel His pain literally and I just kept sobbing. God began to share his burden with me. He began to say that many of you have conflicting thoughts about your sexuality or struggle in other areas such as masturbation, pornography, paedophilia etc due to things that happened to you when you were younger but because you are not able to speak about it to anyone, due to fear of being judged or discriminated you often end up making a decision about your sexuality or act on your urge. A lady once shared with me that she was molested by female domestic workers as a child (not just one) and so she feared that she was a lesbian as a young adult. She also said that as a young adult in her early 20’s she actually feared that because she was sexually abused as a child, she was also going to molest kids and so she was afraid to be around kids. She said she told a few friends that perhaps she should go and report herself to the police that she may be a paedophile. Thankfully, she became aware of the truth and the truth set her free. She knows that she is not a lesbian, neither is she a paedophile. I recently heard of a boy and his brother who were molested by their dad’s body guard and this is the reason for their choice in their sexuality. God also led me to read articles where people who had been abused by same sex molestors & made decisions about their sexuality based on this.
Last week Saturday, I posted a message on instagram asking people struggling with their sexuality, homosexuality, lesbianism, fornication, paedophlia, pornography, adultery etc to please send me a DM to pray with them. I received so many messages. It took me a whole week to respond to all the messages. Majority of these messages were from people who were Christians and some were even church leaders. I had different emotions. I cried and then I was so angry because I wondered what we were doing in the church. How come so many people are struggling with so much but they are not able to open up and get the help they need. Church is not a museum for the holy, it is supposed to be a place where people who are sick or broken get saved, healed, delivered, restored etc. But then people are too afraid to even share their struggles. Many of the people who reached out to me had tried everything but couldn’t stop or end their struggles. They were in desperate need of help. The common thread which I noticed is that almost everyone had been either abused as a child or exposed as a child.
If you are struggling with paedophilia, your case is the most disheartening. You are the most condemned. You are faced with these struggles but can’t get any help. You would be judged and condemned if you tried to come out and share your struggles. Even though you may never have molested a child, you would be judged like you are an abuser. So you continue to face these temptations and struggles and because you can’t get help, you end up falling and acting on your urge. Many people are quick to condemn paedophiles. The thing though is that hurting people hurt people. You were most likely abused as a child. You are too afraid to open up about your own abuse and so you often begin to get the urge to abuse other children when you became an adult. Sometimes like the girl I spoke about earlier, you are just faced with fearful thoughts that you would hurt kids the way you were hurt. It’s a mind battle.
What people don’t realise is that the only way we can reduce child abuse and child molestation is by giving people who struggle with paedeophilia the opportunity to share their struggles and get the help they need. Once you get help you most likely would not act on your urges. This is the solution to eliminating child abuse. This is also linked to struggle with sexuality because from my research most people who struggle with their sexuality were abused as children by the same sex or sometimes the opposite sex.
God says to tell you that “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3). He says to tell you that contrary to what the world or church has said, the worst thing for you to do is to be away from His presence. He wants you to come to Him. He wants you to come as you are. He wants you to come with your struggles. The devils plan is to isolate you. To make you feel like you are alone. To make you ashamed. See darkness only thrives in darkness but once light comes in it, darkness flees.
See in the Bible (John Chapter 4) there was a woman at the well who felt like an outcast. Women usually fetch water in the evening or early in the morning but this woman was at the well in the afternoon, in the heat when no other person would be at the well. She was clearly ashamed of her situation. She was clearly an outcast. The game changer for her and many of the other people in the Bible who were healed from infirmities was because she came into the presence of God. She (they) came in contact with Jesus. They didn’t have to do anything but come into His presence. In His presence darkness would flee. Those things you are struggling with will flee. Those thoughts, those habits will have no choice but to flee. The biggest lie the devil ever told you is that God doesn’t love you because of your unique struggles. The greatest trick he ever played on you was to make sure you run away and stay away from God. You have turned your back on God because of people’s reactions to your struggles. He has also lied to you that God should be blamed for your struggles. Temptation is not sin. He says “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest – Matthew 11:28.
You may be thinking but I still have these thoughts or struggles, but I still acted on the struggle a few minutes ago. You may be thinking surely I have to get rid of my struggles before I can come to Him. This is a lie. It is the encounter with Him that would help you get rid of your struggles. The woman at the well’s life didn’t change before she had an encounter with Jesus, it was after the encounter that she changed and this is the same with everyone who was healed by Him. I love this verse from an article I read somewhere….We are not able to clean ourselves up without God’s help…. He requires us to confess and forsake our sins when we come to Him, but He receives us just as we are, then begins to change us as we submit to Him in obedience.”
As I was meditating, a thought came to me “how do you know the disciples didn’t have these same struggles but because they were in My presence all these things couldn’t stay.” The Bible doesn’t say but we know for sure that they weren’t perfect. Today, I implore you to reconnect with Him who loves you dearly, He who gave His Son for you.
When God told me to share my encounter with Him in November 2017, I was a very apprehensive for obvious reasons. I also wasn’t sure of the timing and one day during my retreat in January I came across a prophetic article from a mailing list that I am subscribed to
The Lord said “The new rainbow people and the new Jesus People Movement is going to be the Ezekiel 34 outcast sheep that have been pushed away by the Church. These are the gays and lesbians, New Age people, the tattooed and pierced, the zombie and vampire lovers. This movement will include women and minorities and those who have been treated unfairly……..This is not limited to groups named above, but every disenfranchised person on earth! Everyone who will come to Jesus, He will set free….even if the Church so far has by and large stayed away from this ministry of reconciliation”. – https://dougaddison.com/2018/01prophetic-word-for-2018-new-gates-opening-in-the-spirit-for-you
God is talking about you.
You may be wondering but Lord why is my own case different. Why do I have to be the one with these unique struggles. Why was I abused as a child by the same sex? Why do I have these struggles or thoughts? The rainbow analogy below would help you see things differently.
What is the significance of a rainbow in all of this.
The rainbow is one of Gods phenomenons. A rainbow is formed when light passes through water, rain or a storm. Light is actually a combination of different colours but to the naked eye, light is white. When light passes through water or rain, these colours are refracted at different angles, which separates the different colours of light. It is because light passes through the rain or storm that you are able to see the different beautiful colours of the rainbow. Without the storm you wouldn’t know that light is not just white but a combination of different colours.
Asides from the story of Noah, the Bible refers to a rainbow in three other places “I saw still another mighty angel coming down from heaven, clothed with a cloud. And a rainbow was on his head, his face was like the sun, and his feet like pillars of fire.”- Revelations 10 verse1. “Like the appearance of a rainbow in a cloud on a rainy day, so was the appearance of the brightness all around it. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord.” – Ezekiel 3 verse 28.
There is a rainbow in the throne room of heaven. “And He who sat there was[a] like a jasper and a sardius stone in appearance; and there was a rainbow around the throne, in appearance like an emerald.” – Revelations 4 verse 3.
How is this significant to your struggles?
The Light and the Rainbow signify Jesus. Jesus is the light and when you allow Jesus into your storm, you see His beauty even in your storm. You may know Him in one “light” but you get to know Him in a different light in the storm you face. For example you may know Him as Jehovah Jireh your provider but when you are sick is when you know Him as Jehovah Rapha, our Healer. A perfect example of this is when the disciples encountered a storm in the boat in Mark 4. There was storm that got the disciples very afraid as the boat was already filling. They called on Jesus and then the following took place “When He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. 40 But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?”[d] 41 And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!” Notice it took the storm for the disciples to realise the power He carried and His ability to command the wind and sea. You get to see Jesus on a different level when you face a storm. In the same way through your storm and struggles you would see Jesus in a different way. You will know Him as your Deliverer, Healer, Redeemer, Restorer, etc.
Also in reality rainbows are actually full circle but we only see half of it from our view point. The full circle can often times be seen from an aerial point of view. This is significant for in life we may not see the full picture but because GOD HAS THE BEST VIEW HE SEES THE FULL PICTURE. You may not see the full picture in your current situation but God sees and knows the full picture.
This is so significant. You may be wondering why is this happening to me. Why am I struggling with my sexuality? Why am I the one that has these types of struggles. When you let “Light”, Jesus, into your storm, He will give you beauty for ashes.
I was at a prayer meeting once and someone asked us to pray for him with regards to his sexuality. We did and today he is being used mightily by God. It is so beautiful to see. I can also notice the change even in His mannerisms. Now does this mean that he never had his temptations or struggles? I believe as He matures in His relationship with Christ, He would overcome those struggles completely. He would be sharing his story on my Instagram page this week. I believe God will use Him mightily to reach more people with the same struggle. This can be you too. God has great plans for you and He says to tell you that He loves you dearly. Whatever you do, just don’t run away from Him.
As I conclude my letter, let me share this dream I had the other day. I was in a public space with some very important public figures and one of them was a very influential woman and she was about to leave but I had the chance to give a speech and tell my story and she sat down and she started to cry profusely. At the end of my story I remember saying in the dream ‘if not for God I would have been a lesbian”.
I woke up a bit startled as I hadn’t really thought of it this way. I wondered what this means but since I put out the post on Instagram last week I now know that truly I could have been one if not for Gods Grace. The common denominator is abuse and exposure as a child. I was abused as a child by a male househelp at age 5. Also from about age 7 till about 9 or 10), I was kissed by two female children at different times. As a child, I did the same to some other female children whenever we played “Mummy and Daddy”. We were children who didn’t know any better and were just trying out what adults did on TV.
A few weeks after my encounter with God in the States and after I decided I was going to join Him at work, my mind became flooded with all sorts of thoughts. Thoughts that I knew were not from God. I started having fearful and unholy thoughts. It was an avalanche of thoughts. I’ve heard that people who molest children do so because they too were molested as children. I began to think what if I also end up molesting children since I was molested as a child by a house help at age 5. I began to be afraid to look at children, even mine. I also began to think what if I was a lesbian because of what happened as a child. Again I was afraid to look at women. These thoughts came like a flood and I wondered what was happening to me and why this was happening to me all of a sudden.
God showed me what was happening. The devil was bombarding me with these thoughts. Infact it was an attack. I was experiencing what people experience and what leads them to make certain decisions about their sexuality. So how was I able to overcome these thoughts? Well, because I know the TRUTH, because I know where these thoughts come from, because I know my identity, I am able to dismiss these thoughts.
I do hope that you know that you are loved by the God of the promise of the rainbow and you have hope that you can and you will overcome your struggles.
He says in John 6:37.40 ” Whoever comes to me I will never cast out. For this is the will of of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in Him should have eternal life. Psalm 145:9 The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made.
If you would like me to pray with you please send an email to email@example.com. You can also follow me on instagram on @omilolaoshikoya and read my blog www.thefathersdaughterweb.wordpress.com
I love this song by Cory Asbury , Reckless Love that goes
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ‘til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
P.s. Meditate on Psalm 139 verses 7-18
Search these songs on youtube & listen to them
- Who you say I am – Hillsong
- Fell in love – Travis Greene
- Reckless love -Cory Asbury
- No longer Slaves – Jonathan David & Melissa Helser
Read the book Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry
Watch The Heart of Man on Netflix . It is a story of redemption using real life stories.