Today is Valentine’s day and this is for a set of people who feel like, or have been told that, God doesn’t love them because of their unique struggles.
On the 16th of November 2017, the day before my New York book launch, during my quiet time i.e. alone time with the Lord, I asked God where He was at work and where He wanted me to join Him at work. I learnt this in the “Experiencing God” discipleship class. We were taught that God is the one at work since the beginning of time and He is looking for people who would join Him. He began to speak to me about you, His sons and daughters that have been ostracised by the church. He shared his burden with me and I cried soooooo much. I could feel His pain literally and I just kept sobbing. He showed me where He wanted me to join Him at work and I was eager and happy to join Him. I was ready to go at full throttle and reach those that desperately needed to feel His love. However, I wondered why He wanted me to do it. I wondered how I could relate to the pains of these people that are so dear to Him. Not too long after He reminded me of something I wrote in my book.
“As parents, we must be watchful; I have heard of female house helps molesting children of either gender, in addition to the stories of male molesters.
I also implore you to monitor your kids during visits and sleepovers. I remember sleeping over at a childhood friends house when I was a young child. She had been exposed to pornography and she kissed me a few times. When I went to secondary school and became aware of the concept of lesbianism, I thought I could be a lesbian. I soon realised it was based on what happened as child”…. Culled from The Richer Woman Page 146
I could relate after all. At that age (from about age 7 till about 9 or 10), my friend kissed me and also rubbed herself on me whenever I slept at her house. It didn’t take long for me to begin to enjoy the sensation. Prior to that a female family member who was also a child had also kissed me. I also did the same to other family members whenever we played mummy and daddy. We were children who didn’t know any better and were just trying out what adults did on TV.
By the time I got to secondary school, I heard of the concept of lesbianism for the first time. I didn’t even know what it meant nor thought it was a big deal until one day a few friends and I were gisting excitedly about kissing and I said I had tried it before. I was shocked to find out that there was a thing called lesbianism which I understood to be when a girl and another girl have sexual relations. I was afraid that because of my childhood ‘plays’ it meant I was one but I soon realised that I liked and was attracted to boys. So I concluded I was not one. Now with the benefit of hindsight I wonder if it would have been different if I didn’t know the “Truth” or if another girl made a pass at me…… I also recall once as a teen feeling a sexual urge and being tempted towards a family member of the opposite sex but thankfully didn’t act on my urge.
What does this have to do with anything?
Fast forward to 16th of November 2017, in the States, God began to share his burden with me. Many people have conflicting thoughts about their sexuality due to things that happened to them when they were younger but because they are not able to speak about it to anyone, due to fear of being judged or discriminated they often end up making a decision about their sexuality. A lady once shared with me that she was molested by female domestic workers as a child (not just one) and so she feared that she was a lesbian as a young adult. She also said that as a young adult in her early 20’s she actually feared that because she was sexually abused as a child, she was also going to molest kids and so she was afraid to be around kids. She said she told a few friends that perhaps she should go and report herself to the police that she may be a paedophile. Thankfully, she became aware of the truth and the truth set her free. She knows that she is not a lesbian, neither is she a paedophile. She is also being used mightily by the Lord. I recently heard of a boy and his brother who were molested by their dad’s body guard and this is the reason for their choice in their sexuality. God also led me to read articles where people who had been abused by same sex molestors made decisions about their sexuality based on this.
That’s same day, the 16th of November, 2017 I saw visions of rainbows and doves under the rainbow
A few weeks after my encounter with God and after I decided I was going to join Him at work, my mind became flooded with all sorts of thoughts. Thoughts that I knew were not from God. I started having fearful and unholy thoughts. It was an avalanche of thoughts. I’ve heard that people who molest children i.e. paedophiles do so because they too were molested as children. I began to think what if I also end up molesting children since I was molested as a child by a house help at age 5. I began to be afraid to look at children, even mine. I also began to think what if I was a lesbian because of what happened as a child. Again I was afraid to look at women. These thoughts came like a flood and I wondered what was happening to me and why this was happening to me all of a sudden.
God showed me what was happening. The devil was bombarding me with these thoughts. Infact it was an attack. However, God allowed it so I could experience what people experience and what leads them to make certain decisions about their sexuality. So how was I able to overcome these thoughts? Well, because I know the TRUTH, because I know where these thoughts come from, because I know my identity, I am able to dismiss these thoughts.
Now you may be reading this and think, gosh this is what I’ve been dealing with. These are the thoughts that have been bombarding me. I want to let you know that you are not alone. You may feel that because of these thoughts, you have been condemned. You may think or have been told that God doesn’t love you. He wants to destroy you like He did with Sodom and Gomorah. I want you to know that God loves you dearly. What I felt on the 16th of November, was the deep love He has for you. He knows your struggles and your pains. He knows that you have been feeling suicidal. He knows you’ve been feeling like an outcast. He knows that you have been afraid to tell anyone. He sees when you cry at night wondering why your case is different and why you can’t just be “normal”. Infact God is so intentional because I planned on sharing this post a week before but He told me to do so on Valentines day, the day love is celebrated.
Perhaps your case is slightly different. Perhaps you have already made your decision about your sexuality or you have even gone ahead to molest a child or have incestual relationships. Perhaps you are even married to the opposite sex but still have these struggles daily. Perhaps your struggles are completely different. Maybe masturbation is what you are dealing with, maybe pornography or even incest.
He says to tell you that “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3). He says to tell you that contrary to what the world or church has said, the worst thing for you to do is to be away from His presence. He wants you to come to Him. He wants you to come as you are. He wants you to come with your struggles. The devils plan is to isolate you. To make you feel like you are alone. To make you ashamed. See darkness only thrives in darkness but once light comes in it, darkness flees.
See in the Bible (John Chapter 4) there was a woman at the well who felt like an outcast. Women usually fetch water in the evening or early in the morning but this woman was at the well in the afternoon, in the heat when no other person would be at the well. She was clearly ashamed of her situation. She was clearly an outcast. The game changer for her and many of the other people in the Bible who were healed from infirmities was because she came into the presence of God. She (they) came in contact with Jesus. They didn’t have to do anything but come into His presence. In His presence darkness would flee. Those things you are struggling with will flee. Those thoughts, those habits will have no choice but to flee. The biggest lie the devil ever told you is that God doesn’t love you because of your unique struggles or sin. The greatest trick he ever played on you was to make sure you run away and stay away from God. You have turned your back on God because of peoples reactions to your struggles. He has also lied to you that God should be blamed for your struggles. Temptation is not sin. He says “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest – Matthew 11:28.
You may be thinking but I still have these thoughts or struggles, but I still sinned a few minutes ago. You may be thinking surely I have to get rid of my struggles before I can come to Him. This is a lie. It is the encounter with Him that would help you get rid of your struggles. The woman at the well’s life didn’t change before she had an encounter with Jesus, it was after the encounter that she changed and this is the same with everyone who was healed by Him. I love this verse from an article I read on Got questions “God certainly expects us to leave our sin, but that comes as a part of our salvation, not as a prerequisite. We are not able to clean ourselves up without God’s help…. He requires us to confess and forsake our sins when we come to Him, but He receives us just as we are, then begins to change us as we submit to Him in obedience.”
As I was meditating, a thought came to me “how do you know the disciples didn’t have these same struggles but because they were in My presence all these things couldn’t stay.” This Valentines day, I implore you to reconnect with Him who loves you dearly, He who gave His Son for you.
When God told me to share this I was a very apprehensive for obvious reasons. I also wasn’t sure of the timing and one day during my retreat in January I came across a prophetic article from a mailing list that I am subscribed to
The Lord said “The new rainbow people and the new Jesus People Movement is going to be the Ezekiel 34 outcast sheep that have been pushed away by the Church. These are the gays and lesbians, New Age people, the tattooed and pierced, the zombie and vampire lovers. This movement will include women and minorities and those who have been treated unfairly……..This is not limited to groups named above, but every disenfranchised person on earth! Everyone who will come to Jesus, He will set free….even if the Church so far has by and large stayed away from this ministry of reconciliation”. – https://dougaddison.com/2018/01prophetic-word-for-2018-new-gates-opening-in-the-spirit-for-you
God is talking about you.
You may be wondering but Lord why is my own case different. Why do I have to be the one with these unique struggles. Why was I abused as a child by the same sex? Why do I have these struggles or thoughts? The rainbow analogy below would help you see things differently.
What is the significance of a rainbow in all of this.
The rainbow is one of Gods phenomenons. A rainbow is formed when light passes through water, rain or a storm. Light is actually a combination of different colours but to the naked eye, light is white. When light passes through water or rain, these colours are refracted at different angles, which separates the different colours of light. It is because light passes through the rain or storm that you are able to see the different beautiful colours of the rainbow. Without the storm you wouldn’t know that light is not just white but a combination of different colours.
Asides from the story of Noah, the Bible refers to a rainbow in three other places “I saw still another mighty angel coming down from heaven, clothed with a cloud. And a rainbow was on his head, his face was like the sun, and his feet like pillars of fire.”- Revelations 10 verse1. “Like the appearance of a rainbow in a cloud on a rainy day, so was the appearance of the brightness all around it. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord.” – Ezekiel 3 verse 28.
There is a rainbow in the throne room of heaven. “And He who sat there was[a] like a jasper and a sardius stone in appearance; and there was a rainbow around the throne, in appearance like an emerald.” – Revelations 4 verse 3.
How is this significant to your struggles?
The Light and the Rainbow signify Jesus. Jesus is the light and when you allow Jesus into your storm, you see His beauty even in your storm. You may know Him in one “light” but you get to know Him in a different light in the storm you face. For example you may know Him as Jehovah Jireh your provider but when you are sick is when you know Him as Jehovah Rapha, our Healer. A perfect example of this is when the disciples encountered a storm in the boat in Mark 4. There was storm that got the disciples very afraid as the boat was already filling. They called on Jesus and then the following took place “When He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. 40 But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?”[d] 41 And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!” Notice it took the storm for the disciples to realise the power He carried and His ability to command the wind and sea. You get to see Jesus on a different level when you face a storm. In the same way through your storm and struggles you would see Jesus in a different way. You will know Him as your Deliverer, Healer, Redeemer, Restorer, etc.
Also in reality rainbows are actually full circle but we only see half of it from our view point. The full circle can often times be seen from an aerial point of view. This is significant for in life we may not see the full picture but because GOD HAS THE BEST VIEW HE SEES THE FULL PICTURE. You may not see the full picture in your current situation but God sees and knows the full picture.
This is so significant. You may be wondering why is this happening to me. Why am I struggling with my sexuality? Why am I the one that has these types of struggles. When you let “Light”, Jesus, into your storm, He will give you beauty for ashes.
I was at a prayer meeting once and someone asked us to pray for him with regards to his sexuality. We did and today he is being used mightily by God. It is so beautiful to see. I can also notice the change even in His mannerisms. Now does this mean that he doesn’t have his temptations or struggles. I don’t know and I can’t say. But I believe as He matures in His relationship with Christ, He would overcome those struggles completely. I believe God will use Him mightily to reach more people with the same struggle. This can be you too. God has great plans for you and He says to tell you that He loves you dearly. Whatever you do, just don’t run away from Him.
I pray that on this Valentines day, you choose to stay in the presence of the greatest Love that there is. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” John 3 verses 16 and 17
This promise comes with only one condition, He said whoever BELIEVES in Him. Believe in Him. Cast your burdens unto Him and watch Him lift them off you forever.
I love the song the lyrics to the song Reckless Love by Bethel Music
Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me
You have been so, so kind to me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ‘til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
God bless you and Happy Valentines Day.